


If At First

by Noelle



Category: Smallville
Genre: First Time, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-11-18
Updated: 2002-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-01 04:31:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noelle/pseuds/Noelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the CLFF challenges: 1. An all-dialogue NC-17 sex scene. 2. A horrible first time scenario for Clark and Lex where nearly everything goes wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If At First

## If At First

by Reetchick

[]()

* * *

"Take a left, Clark, and here we are." 

"So, this is your bedroom." 

"Generally, the bed in the middle of the room is indicative of such." 

"Yeah. Um. It's really...." 

"Purple?" 

"Well, yeah. I was going to say 'nice'." 

"Great. Glad you like the decor. Are we going to get naked in the near future?" 

"Wha- just like that? Shouldn't there be ... kissing or something first?" 

"Didn't get enough of that on the floor of the loft?" 

"No ... er, yeah. Um." 

"Because I thought after the three hours of making out, we'd both be ready - that is why we came over here, correct?" 

"Well, yeah, Mr. Sarcasm. And to avoid my parents walking in on us." 

"Clark?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Could we not talk about your parents right now?" 

"Oh. Sure." 

"Are you not ready for this?" 

"Yes, I am. Believe me, you have no idea how ready I am." 

"Let me have your hand, Clark. Now put it here ...." 

"Oh. Maybe you do have -some- idea." 

"I think I do. Would it be better if I turned off the lights?" 

"Maybe. We could try that." 

"Although - you'll still be able to see, won't you?" 

"Um, no. Not in the dark. Haven't been able to yet, anyway." 

"So you can see inside of me, but you can't see in the dark." 

"Yeah. Hey, Lex?" 

"What?" 

"Could we not talk about me being able to see your internal organs right now?" 

"Of course." 

"Do you want me to get the lights?" 

"No, I'm on my way." 

##click## 

!!bang!! 

"Shit! Ow!" 

"Lex? What happened?" 

"Walked into the corner of the armoire." 

"The what?" 

"Huh?" 

"You walked into the our-what?" 

"The armoire, Clark. And I'm still rather stuck on 'ow,' if that's all right with you." 

"Sorry. Are you going to be okay?" 

"Yeah. Just - come here." 

"OK, I'm here." 

"The lights are off now." 

"I noticed that. So?" 

"So you don't need to be nervous anymore." 

"You thought the lights were making me nervous?" 

"Well, maybe nervous isn't quite the right word. Hesitant?" 

##fwishh## 

"Lex - what was that?" 

"What was what?" 

"That noise." 

"That was my shirt." 

"Your shirt makes noise?" 

"It does when it hits the floor." 

"Oh. OH." 

"Clark?" 

"Yeah?' 

"This would be another good time for the kissing to start." 

"It would? That makes sense. Um - who should start?" 

"I don't know, Clark. Do you want to flip a coin for it?" 

##mmph## 

"I'll take that as a 'no.'" 

"Good guess. Should we head over to the ... um ..." 

"The bed?" 

"Um. Yeah. If you want to, I mean." 

"Clark. If you think I don't want you in my bed, then we have some very different ideas about why you're here." 

"Yeah. I mean no! The same, the ideas are the same - oh, heck ..." 

##whoosh## 

"OW!!" 

"Oh God, are you okay? Lex? I'm sorry ..." 

"Umph. That hurts." 

"Is it bad? Do you need ice or something? Let me feel - is there a bump?" 

"No, I'm sure I'll be fine, Clark. Actually, it's been a couple of weeks since my last head trauma. By Smallville's standards, I was overdue." 

"You know, you have had more than your share of head injuries in the last year." 

"I keep hoping my average will decrease in that regard." 

"I really am sorry, Lex. It's just that I've never been here before, and I guess I didn't notice the footboard, and -" 

"Clark, stop." 

"Stop? Stop what? Am I hurting your head more? Oh, man, I'm - mmph." 

"I meant stop talking." 

"Oh." 

##mmph## 

"Lex - Lex!" 

"What now, Clark?" 

"You have to promise you'll tell me if I do anything wrong." 

"Well, I wasn't terribly fond of being tackled into the footboard ...." 

"C'mon, you know what I mean." 

"Head injury aside, I very much doubt anything you do will be wrong." 

"I mean because of my abilities, Lex. If I do something too fast or too hard for you." 

"Hm." 

"What?" 

"Far as I can tell, you seem just the right amount of hard for the situation." 

"Really?" 

"Jesus, Clark, I can practically >hear< you blushing." 

"Sorry." 

"Enough with the apologizing, already." 

"OK. Sorr-oops." 

"Well, I can see what needs to be done here." 

"What's that?" 

"I need to make you forget how to talk." 

##zip## 

**"AAAAHH!"**

"Clark? Clark! What happened?" 

"My zipper - it caught ..." 

"Oh, Christ. Here, you fix it - did you - " 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Should I just take them off myself?" 

"Well, I'm sure as hell not trying it again. I've never heard you yelp like that before." 

"Doesn't happen too often." 

"I suppose it wouldn't. At least now you have a new experience of pain to use as a gauge." 

"Yeah, Lex, that's great. I'll make a note of that - 'yanking out pubic hair with zipper. Hurts more than bullets, less than meteor rocks.'" 

"I could offer to kiss it better." 

"Unh. I, uh. Ohh." 

##kissing## 

"Lex! Wait!" 

"You're straining my patience, Kent." 

"It's just - I thought, um, I thought you'd ... go first." 

"When you pictured us having sex, you thought about taking turns?" 

"Not exactly. I just kind of figured I'd be - it'd be over kind of, um. Fast. So we should, you know. Start with you." 

"Well, Clark, if we follow your line of reasoning here, you should go first. It'd be over faster, then I could ... take my turn ... then you'd be ready again." 

"A-again? I never thought of that ... maybe ... no. I still think you should go first." 

"Clark. Are we back to having to flip for this?" 

"No, not that. But I was thinking - this might be more fair if we - if you ...." 

"If the level of undress was more equitable?" 

"Does that mean 'if both of us got naked'?" 

"Yes, Clark. Exactly so." 

"Oh. Then yeah. Good. Let's be ... equitable." 

"Clark?" 

"Hm?" 

"If I promise to be careful, do I get to take your shirt off of you?" 

"Whatever you want, Lex." 

"Whatever I want? You might regret saying that." 

"Doubt it." 

"All right. Shirt's gone. Clark?" 

"Yeah?" 

"About the level of equity ... under your jeans. Is that customary for you, or something special?" 

"Going commando? Didn't have any clean boxers left." 

"You know, Clark, there's a lot to be said for the little white lie." 

"I thought we agreed to no more lying." 

"Yes, well, I'd rather think your sartorial choices had more to do with 'hot for Lex' than 'forgot to do your laundry'." 

"Well, really, my mom does the wash, but she has this paper due for her - " 

"Clark." 

"Oh. No talking about the parents, right?" 

"That's it. Now come here." 

##mmph## 

"Oh, man, Lex. That's good." 

"What is - my mouth, or my hand?" 

"Unh. Both." 

"Good. Because the way you taste right here, under your ear ...." 

"Uh-huh. Keep doing - hey!" 

"What now?" 

"Your pants!" 

"What about them?" 

"They're still on you!" 

"You do righteous indignation wonderfully, Clark. If you don't like them on me, do something about it." 

"No way. Do it yourself." 

"That takes a lot of the fun out of it." 

"Yeah? Wouldn't be fun if we had an instant replay of that whole zipper thing." 

"Not an issue, Clark." 

"What do you - oh, geez, Lex. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to make you feel awkward or anything." 

"Awkward? About what?" 

"You know." ##whispers## "About being bald ... everywhere." 

"What? I'm not bald everywhere. Why would you think that?" 

"Well - I was talking about the zipper thing. And you said it wasn't an issue. So I thought -with your hair, and all - " 

"Yeah. I guess I can see how you'd think that. But no; actually, all I meant is my laundry is up to date." 

"Oh. Well, then, let me get you out of these pants." 

"By all means." 

"If I can - here's a - and the zipper - what the? Lex? How many buttons do you need to keep your pants closed, anyhow? Something I should know about here?" 

"They're called dress pants, Clark. Two buttons, one clasp, one zipper." 

"So far I've got one button and one zipper." 

"The clasp is to the - oh, never mind, let me. All right, they're off. Do you think you can handle the rest of the outfit?" 

"In a minute. These are really nice." 

"Yeah. Silk. Oh, keep doing that." 

"What, like this?" 

"Oh, yeah. Just like that." 

"Lex, can I - " 

"Whatever you want, Clark." 

"I mean, with my mouth." 

##groans## 

"God, yes, please. Do it." 

"Just tell me if I - " 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will, please, now ...." 

##humming## 

"Holy shit! God, that's incredible!" 

"Mm-hmm?" 

"Oh, yeah. Oh, Clark. Clark, can I?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Unh. My hands - in your hair - that's ok?" 

"Mm-hmm." 

"Ohh, god. Clark. God, don't stop, that's so good. Don't - Clark?" 

"Pleh. Pleh. Ph-th!" 

"Clark, what are - why'd you - ? 

"Athahaywinmamouf." 

"What?!" 

"Pleh. There was a hair in my mouth. Don't like that." 

"Nobody does, Clark. It's kind of part of doing that." 

"Doing what?" 

"What you were doing." 

"What was I doing, Lex?" 

"You -forgot-?" 

"No, I didn't forget, dummy. I just want to hear you say it." 

"You want to hear me say 'sucking my cock'?" 

"Ohh. Yeah, I do." 

"You like hearing that, Clark?" 

"God, yes. Say it about me now." 

"What - you were sucking my cock?" 

"Oh, yeah. More." 

"More? You want to hear that you're on your knees in front of me, ready for me to slip my cock back into that gorgeous mouth of yours?" 

"Oh, God, Lex...." 

"And then I'll wrap my fingers in your hair, grab your head and just take you, fuck your mouth, and I'll keep going harder and faster, until I come, shooting down your - " 

"Oh god, I'm gonna - Lex, Lex, -Lex-....." 

"Shh. C'mere, Clark. It's okay." 

"But I -" 

"I know. It's all right, it's your first time. I'm surprised you lasted this long." 

"But you didn't even touch me!" 

"Clark, you're sixteen. As I recall, it doesn't take that much." 

"I know, I know, that's why I jerked off before I came over here, and oh crap, was that one of those should-have-told-a-white-lie times?" 

"Not at all. I expected that you had. Hell, I did." 

"You did?" 

"Well, yeah. I 'd like this to last for more than ten seconds." 

"Aww, man ...." 

"Clark - oh, Clark, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way." 

"I know. It's - it's all messed up." 

"No. No, god, no it's not. It's fine, we're fine, we can still - " 

"No, I mean, it's really messed up around here. I'm all messy, and, um - I think I got you a little bit, too." 

"Oh, that. Well, that's part of sex, too. Messy." 

"They don't really cover that in sex ed." 

"No, I suppose they don't." 

"Although I guess we won't be covering much in sex ed this year, since we are out of a teacher now." 

"Clark. Do I really have to ask you not to talk about my former wife while we're trying to have sex?" 

"Oh, crap. Okay. No more Desiree, no more parents. Got it." 

"Great. Perfect mental image there." 

"What?" 

"Clark, have you ever heard of the pink elephant trick?" 

"What - when you tell someone not to think of a pink elephant, and then that's all they can think of?" 

"Yeah. That." 

"I think everyone has. Why?" 

"You mentioned Desiree and then your parents, and now I'm kind of ... pink elephanting them." 

"Oh, gross! You're picturing Desiree doing it with my mom and dad?!" 

"Well, actually, it was just with your dad. Put your mother in there, though, and it's a little more bearable ...." 

"Not for me! God, Lex, that's disgusting!" 

"You're right, I'm sorry. Here, we need something to distract ourselves. How do you feel about blindfolds, Clark?" 

"Wearing one, you mean?" 

"Yes. Does that hold any appeal for you?" 

"I - I think so. That could be kind of hot, couldn't it." 

"Definitely. I think I have something that will do over here - here it is. Do you like the way it feels?" 

"Yeah. Kind of like those boxers you were wearing." 

"Very good, Clark. They're both made of silk." 

"Then I like silk." 

"I can help you develop a whole new level of appreciation for silk." 

"Oh? And how would you do that, Lex?" 

"I'd start by taking the corner and using it to trace the outline of your lips. Like this." 

"Uh-huh." 

"Then I'd wrap the silk around my finger and trace the contours of your ear." 

"Both ears?" 

"Be patient, sweet." 

"Yeah. Patient. Got it." 

"Then I'd drape it behind your neck, and slowly pull it off ... like this." 

"Ohh. I like that." 

"And to think, I'm just getting started. Now hush." 

"Mm-hm." 

"Let's see ... I could twist the silk around, make it a little stronger, then use it to bind your wrists." 

"Uunh..." 

"Not that it would hold you, of course, but you could pretend it did." 

"Yeah. I, I could do that." 

"But there are so many other things I could use to tie you up, it seems a shame to use the silk that way." 

"Oth-other things?" 

"Mm-hm. Rope. Leather bands. Handcuffs." 

"Uuuuunnh." 

"But not now. For now, I think I'll take this lovely piece of silk off of your wrists - " 

"Awww..." 

" -and run it underneath your balls - " 

"Ooooohhh...." 

"-and over your cock -" 

"Oh, god, that's great, Lex ...." 

"-it is. And so beautiful, Clark. Look at it, wrapped around you." 

"Oh, god, that's hot. That's - shit! Shit, shit, shit, Lex, move away!" 

##foomph## 

"Jesus, Clark! You said you had that heat vision thing under control!" 

"I thought I did." 

"Well, obviously, you were wrong, and for god's sake, would you put that fire out? I don't really want to see your cock in flames." 

##pat pat pat## 

"Sorry about the silk." 

"Don't worry about it, Clark. Made an interesting visual, anyway." 

"Yeah. Guess I'm really a flamer now." 

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." 

"You shouldn't." 

"I didn't. Are you out now?" 

"I don't see any more sparks, but did you want to double check the area?" 

"Certainly. Always best to make sure of these things." 

"It is, Lex. Fire safety is very important." 

"Oh, yes. I'm all for 'stop, drop, and roll.'" 

"Good idea. You know, you can roll on me anytime you want." 

"Anytime, hm? Does right now work for you?" 

"That's what I was getting at." 

##mmph## 

"Ohh, sweet Jesus, Clark. You're sure you're a virgin?" 

"Uh-huh." 

"Because that thing you're doing with your tongue ... unh ...." 

"Lex - laying down next to you like this - makes me - I want to - " 

"Fuck me? Or get fucked?" 

"Oh, god, I don't care. Either. Both. Just ...." 

"Okay, hang on, hang on, Clark. We're going to need some help with that." 

"Help? Can't you just kind of talk me through it?" 

"I was planning to, but we'll still need lubrication." 

"God, Lex, you even make that sound hot." 

"Hm. Move over, and I'll get it - wait, it's...." 

"No, I'll go get it - I don't want you walking into any more of the furniture. Where's it at?" 

"Bathroom. Bottom drawer, left hand side, towards the back." 

##rummage## 

"Geez. Way towards the back, I take it?" 

"It's been a while since I've needed it." 

"Here - got it. Man, this stuff is cold!" 

"You have to warm it up. Squeeze some out and rub it between your fingers." 

"Hm." 

"'Hm' what, Clark?" 

"It's kind of ... I don't know ... not what I expected." 

"How so?" 

"It's kind of ... thin. And not as slippery as I thought it'd be. It's more ... creamy, or something." 

"Wait - did you say 'creamy'?" 

"Yeah." 

"Clark - did you shake the bottle?" 

"Um. Bottle?" 

"Yes, bottle, that's the kind I - " 

"It's not a bottle, Lex. It's a tube." 

"A tube? There was a tube in that drawer?" 

"That's what I grabbed." 

"But I don't have anything that's packaged in a tube in that drawer." 

"Yeah, you do, and whatever it is, it's all over my hands and cock." 

"Let me see the tube .... Oh. Huh." 

"That's not a sexy sound you're making, there, Lex." 

"No, it's not. What do you think of hitting the shower?" 

"Oh, my God. Lex. What's on me? What is this stuff?" 

"Nothing harmful, Clark, but I think it's best if we just get you - hey! Give that back!" 

"'Monistat 7.' For the treatment of ... vaginal  >yeast< infections?! What the hell?!" 

"I told you it wasn't mine." 

"Very comforting. So whose is it?" 

"I don't know; my guess would be Victoria." 

"Great. Now I've got your skanky ex-girlfriend's skanky crotch cream all over my dick. This is great." 

"If you wouldn't have grabbed the damn tube away from me, you could have just taken a shower in blissful ignorance." 

"Don't go getting all snippy with me again!" 

"Snippy? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" 

"It means 'snippy,' smartass. You know, like snarky or bitchy." 

"Are you calling me a bitch, Clark?" 

"No, I said 'bitchy.' There's a difference." 

"Would you care to elaborate?" 

"No, I wouldn't. I would care to take a shower, though." 

"No. No, I don't think so." 

"What do you mean 'you don't think so'? I'm over here slathered in fungicide, remember?" 

"It hadn't slipped my mind, and if I'm a bitch, then you can't use my shower." 

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Lex. Quit being such a jerk." 

"Why? Isn't 'jerk' a step up from 'bitch'?" 

"Wait, wait. Stop. Are we fighting here?" 

"No." 

"Yes." 

"Maybe?" 

"Yes, we are. Why are we fighting?" 

"You started it." 

"All right, this is ridiculous. Lex, look at me. Look at me and talk to me. What's wrong?" 

"What's wrong? You have to ask what's wrong? Everything's wrong, Clark!" 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean everything. My shin, my head, your zipper, your parents, Victoria, Desiree - for God's sake, we had a fucking fire drill in here. Everything that possibly could go wrong has gone wrong." 

"Not everything." 

"Well, shit. What now?" 

"I'm here with you. You don't think that's wrong - do you?" 

"No! God, Clark, no, not at all. But it's your first time, and it should be special and magical and all that shit, and I just keep fucking it up, because I ... I ...." 

"You what?" 

"I've never done this before." 

"I, um. Have a hard time believing that, Lex." 

"No, I mean ... of course I've fucked people before. I've just never. Had sex. With someone I ... I..." 

"Cared about?" 

"Loved." 

"Loved?" 

"Love. Present tense. As in, 'am in love with.' Currently. And this is really, really not the situation in which I was planning to disclose that particular piece of information." 

"You love me?" 

"I think I just said that." 

"You're in love with me?" 

"Is 'good hearing' not one of those abilities you told me about?" 

"You. Are in love. With me." 

"Yes. Yes, Clark, I love you. I love you, I'm in love with you, you are the one I love, ego te amo, je t'adore, te adoro, ich liebe dich, wo ai ni. I think that covers it." 

"Whoa." 

"'Whoa'? I tell you I love you and you start channeling Keanu Reeves?" 

"You said it in, like, six languages." 

"I haven't declared my love for someone in a long time. I wanted to do it right." 

"You did. It was very right." 

"Even with the fighting?" 

"Yes." 

"And the bruising?" 

"Yes." 

"And the hair-pulling?" 

"Yes, Lex. And the burning, and the odd parental reference, and even the damn cream. It was all exactly right, and I wouldn't change any of it, and ...." 

"What?" 

"I love you, too, you know." 

"You don't have to say it just because I did." 

"I know that, you big doofus. But I do love you, even though I can only say it in English." 

"That doesn't matter, Clark. All that matters is that we love each other." 

"I don't want to ruin the moment, but I don't think that's all that matters." 

"What else, then?" 

"I'm still all sticky and creamy, and I really want to touch you right now, but I'm grossing myself out here." 

"We should fix that, then. Did you want some company in the shower?" 

"Definitely. And maybe, since it's a new room, we could kind of ... start over. Try it without all the complications this time." 

"A fresh start. I like that." 

"So do I. Lead on, my love." 

"Straight through this door." 

"So, this is your bathroom." 

"Generally, the shower in the middle of the room would be indicative of such." 

"Lex...." 

\--fin-- 


End file.
